Stu Stirlin

Want to look sweet & mass like Stu Man?  Well take heed dumbasses, cause Stu Man is going to drop some fashion knowledge.

We start from bottom and work way up.  You like?

Shoes: Top Siders & Penny Loafers.

Socks: Damn!  Stu Man only wear socks when playing soccer.  Bumble bees pulled up to sweet thighes.

Pants/Shorts:  Tight ass daisy duke jean shorts, preferably Lee brand, cut high up on thighs. For a change of pace, try some sweet Cordouroy OP shorts.

In the winter, Stu Man wear Skinny Jeans to show off fat junk.

Shirts: Pink Polo Shirts. Stu Man hasn’t liked anything that come out in last 20 years.  Graphics tees are exception.  Stu Man rips off sleeves while graphic tee clings to mass pecs.

Hats: Why wear hat when you have sweet side spike?

Stu Man hopes you unfashionable dumbasses have learned how to look mass so you can bop more beav.  Let Stu Man know if you need more assistance.

You like Daisy Dukes dumbass!

To all the dumbasses out there Stu Man would like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

Presenting Stu Man’s Very Special Holiday message:

A Special Holiday Message

Due to tremendous response of Stu Man’s first sweet podcast, Stu Man decided to do another.

Here you go dumbasses!  (BTW, Stu Man was all wasted on Crown & Coke and getting a HJ when Stu Man made this.)

Twas The Night Before Dumbass

Damn!

Check out Stu Man’s sweet podcast.  Prepare your dumbass to be blown away.

Stu’s First Podcast (To unleash Stu Man’s awesome verbal powers, click link.  Then click it again dumbass! Doesn’t play with Windows Media Player shash holes!)

Hey Stu A-Hole,

This is one of your former “beav” conquests who you got drunk on Crown & Coke and took advantage of.

I think I speak for all of us fools that fell for you:  F You, you no good piece of sh%$!  I hope you rot in jail and die!

You think it’s funny to treat girls like a piece of garbage? I tell you what is funny….How small your fleshy tic-tac is!

That’s right Stu Man has a tiny d$#@!

I want all your precious beav to find out before they are seduced by your completely chramless ways.  I hope this post gets more hits than your ass gets in jail!

Lucky for you I’ve got to get going.  I owe your pal DBD a HJ for giving me access to your blog.  He’s a douche bag just like you.

FU sincerely,

A pissed off former beav victim

Yeeah! This is Schack. I write for Stu Man’s blog.  Git on now!

I’m here to tell you not to be a “Mr. Bungle” like Stu Man.  Stu Man is in jail for being a Mr. Bungle.  Ha-who?  I said Mr. Bungle! Don’t know what a Mr. Bungle is?

Watch and learn! E-AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Short version: (commentary by Pee Wee Herman)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XGG1NouAzg

Original version (If you don’t watch this one I’ll wall bounce your ass. Yeeeah!)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8015114981744214365&ei=ETjTSoD8KovGqwLr3OXCDA&q=Mr.+Bungle&hl=en&client=safari

Hello,

My name is Crab Daddy.  I’m one of Stu’s best friends.  Unfortunately Stu has been arrested and is currently in the county lock up facility.  Because of the amount of scams and illegal activity that Stu is in to, it is hard to be sure what he’s really being charged with.  He told me he’s being “mass scammed by the system” and the “MAN can go F himself”.

Stu has implored me to post a letter to his 8-12 fans(depending on the day).  While Stu is in jail, he hopes to still post.  In the event that he cannot, he has arranged for guest posts.  As he put it, “no dumbass can post as great as Stu Man, but since everybody’s a dumbass, it probably doesn’t matter if a dumbass posts to dumbasses”.   Now, with out further “adoo doo”, our friend, our brave hero: Stu Man.  Oh and one more thing, and I believe I speak for all of us, watch your corn hole in there Stu Man.

Dear dumbasses,

You like Stu Jail Bird behind bars doo doo?  Stu Man is being extorted by unsweet beav and something they call tax evasion.  Not nice!  Through mass technicalities, Stu Man can’t get out of county pen.  Apparently some dumbass froze all of Stu Man’s mass cash.   Stu Man is confident he will beat this bogus wrap.  And when Stu Man is a free, he will put on some wicked tight jeans, drink crown & coke, and bop mass beav.

Stu Man is determined to make the most of his time in the slammer.  Stu Stud has already finger bopped female attorney on visitation.  She agreed to take the case in exchange for mass bopping. She called it “pro-boner”.  I call it Very Nice!  She said, “if you weren’t so good with ur rod, I’d let you rot in here”.  Whatever dumbass lawyer.  Just get my shash out of here.

Stu Man promises to keep everyone abreast of what’s going on.  In the mean time Stu Stud is going to scam some ‘roids and get mass buff working out.

Sincerely dumbasses,

Stu Jail Bird

“Hey ladies, u like tight orange jumpsuit?” E-AW!!!!!

Stu Man’s blog has aMASSed a mass following of dudes.  That’s great that so much sausage is learnin’ the ways of Stumanese, but Stu Man wants to get the word out to the ladies. So this post is specifically for MASS BEAV.

How to act if a dumbass approaches you that is not educated in the ways of Stumanese:

1. Say to him, “Hey dumbass, go buy me a Crown & Coke.  Until then go bop urself in the shash hole”.  This will catch his attention and let him know you are classy.
2. “Are those mosquito bites or ur pecs?  Go take mass ‘roids dumbass and talk to me when you have mass pecs”.  If a dude is too lazy to build some sweet pecs, then he’s too lazy to take care of ur beav.
3. “Damn, nice baggy jeans!  Guess ur trying to hide ur small package”?  If a dude isn’t wearing tight jeans, that means he’s hiding a tiny package.  Stu Man always prominently displays his sweet rod for the ladies.  You like?

Dumbasses take a lot of abuse if they think you’ll give up sweet beav.  Beav is powerful thing that make guys spend mass cash on Crown & Coke to get it.  So ladies, use these helpful tips to get what you want.  ALWAYS make guy buy you mass Crown & Cokes before you give up the beav…unless you meet Stu Stud.  Then you buy him mass Crown & Cokes. E-AW!

Every dumbass plays fantasy football now.    For Stu Man, the Fantasy game of choice is Beavball.

This is where Stu Man and his single friends see how much beav they can get from September to January.  We’ve been playing for five years now and naturally Stu Stud has won every year.  You like Stu Man winning every year?  Stu Man can promise you Beavball is way more fun than Fantasy Football.  Unless ur idea of fun is pulling ur pud while you post dumbass comments like: “Why does my kicker suck so bad!”  Because he’s a kicker dumbass!

Here’s Stu Man typical post in fantasy beavball: “Damn!  Scored mass beav again last night!  You like Stu Man motor boating and teabaggin’”?

If the beav out there finds fantasy beavball “demeaning”, then set up ur own league.  Stu Man is sure plenty of men would love to be exploited by mass beav for the sake of fantasy points.

Here’s our league rules:

Get as much mass beav as possible every week.  Different conquests with said beav score points.  Fantasy Beavball is based on the honor system.  If team is caught lying, the other teams get to teabag you.  You like hairy sack on tonsils doo doo?

6 pts Mass bopping (2 girls at once gets double points)

6 pts Chow Pie (Why 6 pts?  Cause Stu Man says so dumbass!)

6 pts Hummer

3 pts Finger bopping

3 pts Hand job (by a girl dumbass!)

2 pts Motor boating

Bonus 2 pts for the follow random acts of mass sweetness:

Hot Carl

Tea Bagging

Donkey Punch

Rusty Trombone

Tony Danaza

Dirty Sanchez

Cleveland Steamer

Subtract Points for the following:

-2 pts. for anything done with another dude. (We call this the “Crabdaddy rule”. Don’t ask.)

-2 pts. for any act done with beav over 60 years of age (Negator!)

- 6 pts. for doing anything with another league members mother, sister or grandma. (Stu Man loses like 50 pts every year bopping Beer Man’s hot 24 year old sister)

Current Standings: (Through week 2)

Stu Man: 69 pts.

Crabdaddy: 18 pts.

Schack: 16 pts.

Beer Man: 11 pts.

Sweet Tits: 0.0 “Fat, Drunk, & Stupid is no way to go through life.”

As you can see, Stu Man is running away with the league again.  The first week Stu Stud beat Sweet Tits 42-0.  Stu Man had mass random acts of mass sweetness that week. Thank you Hot Carl!

So if you want to play a real fantasy game, punt fantasy football and start playing fantasy beavball.

Stu Man loves cougars.  The kind that rip ur shash apart.  However, a lot of you dumbasses are running around trying to get on cougars.

Normally Stu Man recommends 21-28 year old beav, (all beav must be able to drink Crown & Coke legally), but on RARE occasions, Stu Man runs out of Crown & Coke and has to go slummin’ for cougars. Best thing about Cougars: They buy YOU Crown & Coke and try to get YOU wasted. They usually have mass cash from mass divorces. You like?

Biggest problem with cougars: They get all pissed when you toss their shash out at 3:00 in the morning. Damn doo doo!  Why you cougars have to be all sensitive? Ur lucky Stu Man bopped ur old bag of bones.  Cougars however, appreciate honesty.  Just tell ‘em ur gonna mass bop them then don’t let the door hit ur shash on the way out.

If ur gonna go cougar hunting, here’s the terms ur shash needs to know:

Cougar Bait: Cougars are desperate creatures by nature.  Show off your mass pecs and bis.  Be sure to hike up ur jeans shorts to show off mass thighs.  This will set the trap.

Cougar Call: E-AW! E-AW! E-AW!

Cougar Chase: Because most cougars are desperate and hungry, there’s no need to chase.  See term #1

Licking the Fur: Most cougars are too lazy to take care down there.  Be prepared for mass hair pie.  You like hair pie doo doo?

Using these sweet techniques will guarantee mass cougar bagging.  Speaking of bagging, be sure to bag ur junk.  Raunchy old cougars could have mass STD’s.

Here’s a video of what happens when cougars attack.  Damn doo!  Sucks to be a deer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGfxD5hcInw